Fat Bastard Fired From Dominos Pizza

My first job was as a part-time Domino's pizza delivery dog. I succumbed to temptation and ate all the pizzas stacked neatly in my red Radio Flyer wagon. I was fired and left homeless during the harsh winter of 2008. But, I overcame obstacles, bouncing back like a resilient Pokey toy. Here's my press release:

AUSTIN – April 4, 2008 -- Two Tail and Eight Paw Productions, Inc. today announced Buddy Beagle a.k.a. “Fat Bastard” was fired for woofing down an Ultimate Deep Dish pizza on the job. “Hey, it was the fourteen-inch -- all meat,” barked Buddy.

The seventy-three-pound Beagle suggested discrimination played a vital role in his firing. "Domino's executives own Labradors," cried Buddy.



Buddy claimed he had been both a loyal customer and delivery dog improving the pizza chain's image for three days.

"To borrow a quote from my hero Lester in the Oscar-winning movie American Beauty, 'I'm looking for a job with the least amount of responsibility,'" snapped Buddy in retaliation.

Domino's executives would not comment on the issues surrounding Buddy's sudden departure. "Whimps! Pizza whores! I have a new job as a refrigerator repair dog starting Monday night," yelped Buddy the Beagle. "No, wait, that's a football night."

###

* fictitious humor
** photo by www.smallwoodphoto.com

Get Laid © by Fat Bastard AS SEEN ON TWITTER!

FAT BASTARD makes lounging on the chaise and watching Monday Night Football entertaining, easy and now erotic with his new revolutionary love-making manual called Get Laid © as seen on Twitter.



With his easy 1-step manual called Get Laid ©, you too can have your bipolar wife bitchin’, threatenin’ and chasin’ ya around the chaise with a wooden spoon as Monday Night Football flashes from the LCD flat screen panel TV.


Features his how-to-guide on purposefully tripping your loony-bin wacky wife and kissin’ her places you haven’t seen since high school prom.

In just mere seconds, you will have your crazy psycho wife who used to whine, “No, I have a gawddamn headache idiot asshole loser or I’m on my effin period, freck” to beggin’ “YES! YES! YES!”

Book includes: 3 pages of how-to slam your bipolar wife in mere seconds without missing valuable moments of Monday Night Football.

Bonus: a poster of a naked hot wife (not yours).

Copyright © FatBastardRules and ConfessionsOfAFatBastardBlog. Don’t sleep with imitation. Shop where the Fat Bastard Beagle symbol is advertised. All Rights Reserved. 2009.

* Disclaimer - this is crude humor and not to be taken seriously. Buddy Beagle aka "Fat Bastard" is just a dog.

Fat Bastard's Christmas Card

Make a Smilebox slideshow

CONFESSIONS OF A FAT BASTARD #6

CONFESSION #6: Fat Bastards always meet Santa Claus! And, secretly want to be him so they can eat all the cookies. Christmas is a Fat Bastard's favorite time of the year. They dream of candy canes, peppermint pies and football. Why? Cuz, Fat Bastards rule!

WIN A PIGCASSO!

WIN original + signed 8 x 10 canvas panel "Pigcasso" (portrait of me). Join my networked blog & tweet why u luv @fatbastardrules. 1 random winner chosen.

Pawlicks

FANS ARE TALKING!

1. “That was TOO FREAKIN' FUNNY!!!!”

2. “Buddy ... even though your emissions are dangerous, I still love!”

3. "I admire the way Buddy was able 2 shed his vanity & go thru surgery under discerning eyes of his fans. He's a heartbreaker!”

4. “I love all of you!”

5. “I love you!”

6. “I love you Fat Bastard!!!”

7. “Yes, you are slightly overweight, Buddy. But, cute!”

8. “Oh, that face Buddy. You are so cute!”

9. “so adorable!

psssssst!: start your own line of facial soaps for rich broads, with your latest crop of lipomas!”

10. “It’s an exit.”

FAT BASTARD VIDEO:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QaLqO0KamA&feature=channel_page